“The perception of what is small is , the secret of clear- sightedness; the guarding of what is soft and tender is (the secret of) strength.”

―Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

Regardless of age, we are all guilty of, at some point, being tuned in to our devices when we want to escape from the reality of the world.

When we are tired, hungry, angry, feeling lost, sick, fearful, anxious or just simply feeling bored.

Us wise old humans tend to avoid uncomfortable feelings, maybe because we learned when we were younger to suppress them, to not talk about fear, shame, anger and pain, consequently, for many, the smartphone has become the tool in which we lose ourselves. 

We deny our own needs, ignore our feelings and communication, which can lead to depression, low energy, digestion problems, pain in our body, distrust in others and more importantly, ourselves. 

With enough practice, suppression leads to shutting down, hiding, disconnecting and choosing to not voice our own thoughts and needs.

Finding ourselves scrolling mindlessly through social media as we numb ourselves from our reality is very common. 

When we don’t have access to our phones it makes us feel lost and anxious.

When we are bored we reach for the phone to find something to do, to keep us entertained. 

However, its that distraction that keeps us from connecting to the world as it is, and from living with our feelings, how we respond to others, how we understand and voice our feelings. 

Recently , due to a storm, I was without internet or phone for 4 days.

It coincided, of course, with a personal issue of having to deal with my partner being in hospital.

I was left with my wild imagination and emotions of uncertaintly, fear, anxiety

Through a lot of wandering in the rain, I discovered I was able to walk 10 minutes to a point where I could just get a connection, so I could call the hospital...if you have ever done this you will be aware that due to the shortage of nursing staff, the phone is not a priority to being answered.

I spent many minutes, hours and day in the driving rain and winds on a remote roadside in northern Scotland in winter trying desperately to will the phone to be answered.

I swore a lot...

In those moments, unless you have been practicing, you aren't thinking " now just breathe it out, do some calming exercises..."

So how can you practice being present , so in those moments of chaos and worry, you have something in your toolbox to help you stop jumping to the worst case scenario and making yourself sick with worry and fear ?

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present, engaged in the current moment, but unless you practice it when time are NOT full of worry and fears, you wont have it in your toolbox/kitbag/first aid kit, to help guide you through those dark moments.

Awareness of our breath is the most common practice to mindfulness, but it doesn't have to be complicated

There are just so many breathing practices being touted on social media..some of them are quite extreme and scary and most of them are taught without first building capacity within to enable us to have the capability of being with what comes up, and believe me, a lot of stuff gets dug up!

So, the best way to begin, or to go back to basics , is to be aware of our breath without changing it.

No fancy in for 4 out for 6 counts for now, that will come later.

Just forget perfectionism for a moment, put it down, and just notice the breath.

Then you can stay with that, and notice your feet...

Just having those 2 things in your awareness can be enough for many of us.

If you can manage it though, now begin to be aware of your legs and pelvis

Weird ? Not really, as many of us completely lose track of our bodies when we are in the whirlwind of our heads. We really are disconnected from what our pelvis feel like in space.

Then..be aware of your hands.

Can you combine them all?

Awareness of breath, feet, legs, pelvis, hands..but slowly, with awareness, dont make it perfect.

In fact, do it badly, and see what happens.

It takes time, it can take days, weeks and maybe even months of practice, and theres a lesson right there of not being hard on yourself for not doing it perfectly straight away.

Once you have this, you can then look around you slowly

What does your eye feel drawn to

The kitchen sink? A saucepan? A hairbrush? Toothpaste tube? Pair of shoes? Pair of socks on the radiator?

Then, take a photo of what you are seeing..and notice your thoughts of " Why would I take a photo of that? It's surely not worthy of a photo. Who wants to see a photo of that on my socials? "

Its not going on your social media. Its not for " likes" or any of that stuff...this is about all the internal goings on to help you cope with the stress of just being here so we avoid numbing with alcohol, shopping, doom scrolling, smoking, drugs or whatever your addiction is.

Orienting to the environment we are in is a powerful practice.

Immersing our minds in the unlearning, a daily practice of self awareness, of being with ourselves as we are, using our cameras to document how we are feeling and interacting with the world as we think we see it, is not an easy task, and it can be quite uncomfortable, quite ugly in what gets revealed

And thats why not many people do it

We avoid the ugliness because we don't like feeling uncomfortable, its not safe, so we avoid it and go back to scrolling for that dopamine hit

Seeing with no labels is a challenge, and with practice, a challenge that can change how we perceive ourselves and the world, which helps heal our pain, anxiety, resentment and hate towards ourselves.

When we beat ourselves up less, we can have the space to be kinder to ourselves, make better choices, speak better to our partners, have kinder relationships, see more clearly, have space to be creative, enjoy being a true version of ourselves.

And who doesn't wish for that, it could pave the way for a more peaceful world...

Mel Collie

P.S. Loved my blog post? You will love my free Playbook which guides you through more orienting ideas. Grab your copy here

P.P.S. Work with me more in depth with a 1:1 session. You can book yours here

P.P.P.S The attached photo is mine, created whilst relaxing during a Swiss winter house sit using an iphone app to blend a few photos together.